Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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