i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
