I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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