If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
