After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize