Quick, to the slutcave!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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