one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
