I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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