I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
