Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
