does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
