Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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