I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need a beard to bite.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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