bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
