chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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