you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
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You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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