the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
