My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize