drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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