he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
