youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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