Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
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Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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