Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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