It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
