i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
