Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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