I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
we're so committed to being not committed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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