Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
