if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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