I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
