Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
