I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
