Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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