You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
