there's paper in my vomit.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
