Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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