I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
