it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
