I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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