Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
