I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
