I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
God I need to hump something, right now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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