C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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