i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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