I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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