Soap is not a condiment
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
