I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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