Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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