we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
