So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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