Yo dont text me then not text me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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