I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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