i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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