I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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