toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
