I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
