I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
