I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you had me at cake vodka
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
