I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
