i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
