well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
