Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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