i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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