i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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