if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
