I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
